Timing is Everything


Every other Wednesday night, I gather with a group of men and women from my church – the age spread is 20s to 50s, some married, some single, all ridiculously awesome.  We share a meal together  – we’ve perfected the art of the potluck by this point.  We’re talking quinoa casserole, pesto pasta bake, make-you-own-burrito bar – we joke that we all just come for the food, and it’s probably only 50% a joke.  There is usually wine and always plenty of laughter, and as we eat we update each other on our lives.  Sometimes we answer one of those “break the ice” questions about our most memorable meal or holiday or vacation, and end up sharing stories about eating questionable meat in Swaziland or fish fresh from the ocean in Cambodia.  After dinner – which always goes later than we think because we’re having so much fun chatting – we gather around in a circle in the living room and discuss the latest chapter of the book we’re reading through together – it’s called God of Justice, published by International Justice Mission, an incredible NGO that works to end human trafficking around the world.

We all gather and discuss what it means for us as Christians to be engaged in the work of justice – caring for the poor, setting the oppressed free.  We talk about what it means to live out our faith by loving others well and being engaged in the work of justice in the world around us.  We talk about the particular justice issues  – human trafficking, racial injustice, systems and laws that disproportionately affect the poor – that stir our hearts and move us to act.  

We talk about how easy it is in the bubble of Silicon Valley privilege in which we live to forget the poor and the oppressed, to start to believe that what we see around us is normal.  And we talk about how as people of faith, Jesus doesn’t give us that option.  We talk about how “religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.” (James 1:27)

I look around that room every other Wednesday night and I am thankful beyond measure to be reminded and encouraged that the point of my life isn’t a cozy, easy existence – that the point of my life is to love God and love others, and to steward the resources I’ve been given – time, money, opportunity, energy – to love the poor and the oppressed, to recognize and work to dismantle systems of injustice and oppression that hurt all of us, especially the most vulnerable and marginalized.

Most of all I look around that room and I think “this is what church should be.”  I have so many friends whom I love dearly who wouldn’t touch church or Christianity with a ten foot pole and I can’t say I blame them. We – the Christian church, especially the Christian church in America – have gotten so many things wrong.  We shout loudly about issues that divide, instead of listening humbly to the stories of people who are different than us, but equally loved by God.  We argue instead of praying and build walls to divide instead of opening our arms to welcome.  I know I’ve done this, individually and as part of a group, and I am deeply sorry.  Because when I read the Bible, it’s clear to me that my job on this earth is simple –  to “Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself.”  

This week we had a newcomer join our group, and over dinner she asked how everyone met, how the group came together.  I realized I only knew the answer to that from my perspective – and as the other folks at the table filled in their stories, a lightbulb went off in my head – timing is everything.  Dan and Anne, who host the group at their home, shared they had actually wanted to start the group last Fall – they got the books and stood around outside our church after the service on Sundays week after week as part of the “small group fair” and no one was interested.  They were both so fired up and excited about reading this book and discussing it, and it just didn’t happen.  They were disappointed, but they had plenty of other things going on – it was a busy season for their youngest son, Dan’s job got really busy – so they put the books on the shelf (literally and metaphorically) and went on with their lives.  Then, in January of this year a group of us who were new to the church were talking about starting a social justice group and someone said “Oh you should talk to Dan and Anne.”  The rest, as they say, is history.

As I listened to this story I felt that “ping” in my heart and my soul of Truth.  It reminded me that sometimes when things don’t work out, it’s not necessarily that the idea or vision or desire was wrong – sometimes it’s just not the right time.  Our group wouldn’t be what it is if they had launched it 3 months earlier – I was going to a different church, Kristen hadn’t even moved to the Bay Area yet.  Those few months of waiting made all the difference.

I have a friend who – after much heartbreak and disappointment – met and married a wonderful man who makes her so happy.  He too had experienced his share of heartbreak before they met and at one point he said to her  “I just wish we had met sooner” – to which her emphatic response was “I don’t.” She went on to explain that she had been such a different person 5 years before – even 5 months before- that she didn’t know if the past versions of themselves would have recognized and valued the same love and happiness the current versions of themselves did.  I love her recognition that timing is everything- that we all change and that the person I am today is not the person I’m going to be 6 months or 6 years from now, that circumstances and opportunities and changes come into our lives that form and shape us in ways we can’t foresee or predict.  And vice versa – the people we are mean the things we want and value and are open to change too.

That’s what forces me to come back to my belief in a loving God who is in control – otherwise all the unknowns are too much.  The fatalistic idea that if I bend down to tie my shoe at the wrong moment I could miss my sole-mate (sorry, couldn’t resist) sounds like a stressful way to live.  I believe we have free will and also that a good and loving God who is above and beyond space and time holds it all in His hands and has us.

As I wrestle with hoping for good things that haven’t yet come to pass it helps me to remember that timing is everything – and that – to quote one of those church cliches that’s annoyingly true, “God is never in a hurry, but He’s always on time.”

Living the story you’re in

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I’ve always been a sucker for a good story.  Whenever I meet a couple, my first request is “Tell me the story of how you met!”  On the flip side of that, whenever I’ve found myself on a truly disastrous date I console myself with the thought “Well at least this is going to make a really great story.”  I read total stranger’s blogs, devour memoirs, and have told my coworker’s account of going to the gym with Chris Martin to about 50 of my closest friends and family because it is such a good story.

I think there is just something about stories – they live deep in our DNA, in our soul and blood and marrow.  They help us make sense of our world, connect with those around us, find meaning and common ground.  They whisper, I think, of a better, brighter and more open world and all that is possible.

A recurring theme has been coming up in my life lately – in conversations with friends, in blog posts and articles I read online, in snippets of songs I catch as I turn the dial on the radio – and the theme is this: live the story you’re in.

Man, that is way easier said than done.

Recently I hit the rewind button on some plans I had for the future that I was really excited about – and while I feel peace that it was the right decision, I’m still finding it hard to switch gears from the story I thought I’d be living right now to the story I actually am.  This extrapolates into my larger life as well – if you had told my teenage self that this is the life I’d be living at the age of 30 I would have rolled my eyes, said “no way Jose” and gone back to practicing my *NSYNC dance moves (#JT4Eva!)

Here’s the thing though – this is my life.  This is my story.  Today, there are a set of circumstances that are true about me – some of which I want to snap my fingers and change (paying an exorbitant amount for rent, going on all those aforementioned disastrous dates) and some of which I want to hang on to for dear life (my mom and some of my best friends being a 20 minute drive away, being healthy and free from any physical limitations, having the time to run and bake and sleep as much as I want*).

Change, though, is inevitable – as the saying goes, it is the only constant.  Recently I met a friend of a friend who years ago, was out for a run with her dog, fell down a hill and sustained permanent injuries and has been in chronic pain, unable to work, ever since.  She went from an energetic Bay Area go-getting 20-something to a woman on permanent disability.  Talk about perspective.

I’m a very future-minded person and always have been.  I love looking forward to things, anticipating what next week or next year or the next decade will hold.  The risk of that mentality, though, is that I’ll miss what’s in front of me – and tomorrow is not a sure thing, for any of us.

I was at a friend’s kiddo’s birthday party recently and one of the moms there gripped me tightly by the shoulders, looked intensely into my eyes and said “Enjoy being single!”  I get where she was coming from – she has 3 boys under the age of five – and was speaking out of her own story of being exhausted and longing for a taste of the days when she wasn’t responsible for keeping three tiny humans alive.  I get it, but it’s also not particulary helpful.  PSA for all you well-meaning married folks out there: having someone who is married tell you to enjoy being single (if you’re someone who wants to get married) is like having your friend who never works out, eats junk all day and looks like a supermodel tell you “ugh, I hate how skinny I look in these jeans!  You’re so lucky that you have a butt!” Not. Helpful.

The point is that there are pros and cons to every stage and circumstance of life – and we all fool ourselves when we look over our friend or coworker or family member’s shoulder and say “Man, I wish I could be living her story.”  It’s never that simple.

What I have to come back to is reminding myself who holds the pen – that I believe in an all-powerful and all-loving God who is the author of my story, and I need to trust Him.  In this season of my life, trust looks like laying down all the story lines, all the manuscripts and rough drafts and storyboards and acknowleding that I’m not in control – and that’s a really good thing.

I have a copy of the 139th Psalm hanging on my wall that my Dad typed out on his typewriter (#oldschool) when I was four months old and one of the verses I love is  “in thy book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me.”

I’m trying my best to fully live the story I’m in – to read and savor today’s words, and to trust that God has already written the rest – my job is to pay attention and be responsive to the unfolding of His story in my life – a story that’s less about circumstances, settings and characters than it is about joy, grace, faith, hope and love.

That’s the story I really want to live.


*Shoutout to the parents out there – you are amazing and if I could give you some of my extra sleep hours I’d do it in a heartbeat ❤